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Love Marriage Arranged Marriage

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Love Marriage Arranged Marriage

Now that I look married, people congratulate us, and say “bhut accha” (very good). Even when I’m dressed completely hippie, people say, “you look very Indian,”simply because of the bindi (dot on forehead) sindoor (red line in part of hair), and mungla-sutra (necklace).

Since I wear the Indian signs of marriage, people ask if we were married in USA or India. It’s fun to tell them that even though we were married in the USA, Duane (and the ring barer) wore nice Indian kurta, the bridesmaid dresses are fromDelhi, and we used Indian music in the ceremony. I can even show them our wedding pictures since our shoulders are covered, unlike normal “immodest” (by Indian standards) wedding attire.

But a more complicated question is, “love marriage, or arranged marriage?” 

In order to properly answer this question, one must understand what these two things mean to an Indian.

Love Marriage: a man and woman want to get married, but their parents completely disagree and say it’s not a good match. So the couple runs off and gets married anyway.

In America, we call that eloping, which is not what we did. So we cannot say we have a love marriage, because that would mean our parents did not approve, and we rebelled and got married anyway. That doesn’t help our credibility or The Message we want to share with them.

Arranged Marriage: I’m sure there are whole books explaining the details and process of arranged marriage, but this is my simple para-phrase: The man’s parents talk to the woman’s parents and decide, “our kids are a good match,” so they arrange the marriage. Maybe the girl doesn’t even know, “surprise, you are getting married to that guy!”

Some variations: a guy sees a cute girl and wants to marry her, maybe they are even acquaintances, or his sister’s friend or something, so he talks to his parents and they talk to her parents and arrange the marriage. I have also heard of the girl’s family receiving applications from several men who would like to marry her. Then she and her family pick one and arrange the marriage. So an arranged marriage is when everyone agrees that they should marry.

Doesn’t that sound more like what we do? The guy asks the girl’s parents and they say “yes,” then he surprises the girl with a great marriage proposal, and then we arrange all the details – date, location, etc…

So the most simple answer for us to give is: We met and liked each other, and our parent’s agreed that we were a good match, and so we arranged the marriage.


Becky is wife to Duane, mama to "Monkey-girl" and baby "Lioness" aka "PipSqueek." She is the administrative powerhouse for YWAM Bend and keeps our team grounded and organized. Her hope is to inspire and encourage other mamas in their journey to raise healthy, thriving families.
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