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Why God?

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Why God?

2001-7-13teamFlagWhat happened to the youth groups full of young people who thought we were the generation who would change the world? Now so many of my peers are filled with questions, unsure of how they feel about God, church, or this thing we call Christianity. Some are friends who grew up in my small town, went to the same church, graduated from the same Bible College and then set off to change the world. But then, God didn’t come through for them, the sick were not healed, and the dead were not raised. My peers were left with disappointment and doubts.

I think back on my own life, and our stories are the same. We had the same passion for missions and actually thought we could save the world. Along the way, life happened. We discovered the mission field wasn’t the exciting adventure we expected it to be. Being a missionary was just as challenging as being a pastor, only we were trying to start a church when we didn’t understand the language or culture. We didn’t fit in, or have any real friends. Living the stories of near-death moments in traffic and eating gross mystery foods was not as glamorous as those before us had made it sound.

IMG_5934Duane & I had our own dark season, during our “honeymoon” in India. We headed overseas a couple months after getting married. We’re missionaries, so “go” is what we do. Four months later, we were buying a flight home thinking: who cares about the lost? If they want to go to hell, that’s not my problem. How can we tell people God loves and cares for His children, while we’re so miserable? How can we say “our God heals” when we’re so sick? 

We talked about giving up on missions, getting “real” jobs, and being “normal” people. We could have followed through on our plan. We could have easily walked away from God too. We had every right to give up. But we didn’t! Why haven’t we quit? Honestly I don’t know.

Several years ago, a friend asked a simple, but deep question, “Why God?”

The answer seemed obvious, “Why not? God is all I have.” I had just graduated from Bible college, sold everything I owned and moved to Idaho to begin full-time missions. Meanwhile my parents divorced and my “home” ceased to exist. I had nothing to go back to, nothing but God. If I walked away from Him, who would I be and what would I do? Without God, life would have no meaning and I would have no purpose.

I think of the phrase my college classmates said over and over, “without God, I am nothing.” I even know what it feels like to be “nothing”, not like Tony did, the guy who coined the phrase, which became so popular after his sudden death our junior year.

I grew up with God and don’t ever want to experience the nothingness of being without Him. I had a small glimpse of that emptiness while living in India, when God felt distant and deaf. Our prayers bounced off the walls and came back to slap us in the face. It was the most “without God” I have ever felt, and I don’t want to feel that alone ever again. I can’t live without God.

IMG_5930I remember when hope flooded back into our weary souls on the train ride away from the dark city of Varanasi. Suddenly the worship songs playing on my ipod felt real again. After 4 months of death, Duane came alive as he and Zach dreamed of pioneering a ministry together. Here we are 3 years later, still doing missions, and pioneering a new YWAM community!

What keeps you from giving up during hard times?

Becky
Becky
Becky is wife to Duane, mama to "Monkey-girl" and baby "Lioness" aka "PipSqueek." She is the administrative powerhouse for YWAM Bend and keeps our team grounded and organized. Her hope is to inspire and encourage other mamas in their journey to raise healthy, thriving families.
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  • Robert Davis
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    I have felt the same way many times. Where did all of my classmates go? When I moved to Arcade I ran into some of them and they are all still serving God. One is even my pastor! I think they call it “Tenacity” – the ability to keep on going even when hitting brick walls.

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becky2015-03-31 16.38.31